Songs to Crash the car to
EXT. RURAL FOREST ROAD. HALLOWEEN NIGHT
███████████ is speeding through the woods. It is raining, with very little light illuminating the road. Music is blaring through the speakers. ███████████ slams an energy drink. The rare streetlight illuminates their eyes, showing the costume makeup running down their face. ███████████ sobs quietly, driving faster and faster as the loud rock music plays in the background.
Suddenly, a SMALL FIGURE in a red costume runs out onto the road. ███████████ quickly swerves out of the way. They lose control of the vehicle and hydroplane, eventually colliding with a nearby tree. Smoke billows from the hood of the car. Miraculously, ███████████ survives and stumbles out of the wreckage. They are covered in wounds. Holding their arm, they look around for the small figure but it is nowhere to be seen.
███████████ breathes heavily and looks around, spotting a nearby house. It is two stories tall, with white siding and a red brick garage. ███████████ begins limping towards the house, the warmth of the porch light illuminating their form. They reach the door, finding it is unlocked. In desperate need of help, and against their better judgement, they let themselves in.
My grandfather gifted me a Mercedes convertible as a high school graduation gift. I still recognize it as an incredibly nice gesture and I’m grateful to have received such a generous gift. However, it wasn’t long before it became apparent that it was far too expensive for me to maintain and it started becoming a huge source of anxiety. I was never into nice cars, all I needed was something to get me from one place to another. This one just ended up being more trouble than it was worth.
Songs To Crash The Car To was originally a declaration of rebellion. I was angry at the world for having stolen my childhood from me. I used that Mercedes as a symbol of rejection. I wasn’t going to pretend to be someone I wasn’t anymore the same way I pretended to like that car.
As I kept painting, the actual emotions I was feeling became clearer to me. I wasn’t angry anymore. Instead, I held an intense sadness in my heart for the time I’d lost having to hide my true self for so long. Now, Songs To Crash The Car To is about willingly crashing the “car”; the moment where I realized I couldn’t go on the same way I had for so long. I learned that in order to fix me- to heal my inner child, to unpack all the emotions that needed unpacking- things were going to get far worse before they got better.