As a proud child of pop music, I’m no stranger to the idea of an iconography of color. Very early on in the development of these paintings I knew I wanted the colors to tell a story just as much as the visuals did. I wanted to represent the way my rage faded into a deep feeling of emptiness and grief. As the series goes on I start cooling off the reds until they either become magenta or entirely nonexistent; then the blue starts creeping in, starting off as a warmer cerulean and cooling off in each subsequent painting. 

Each series I’ve done thus far has had its signature color; Miss Congeniality was pink and Fun Factory was orange. Abomination was originally meant to be red, a nod to something to come far later in the series. However, as I continued working I felt blue was a better representation of what the vast majority of these paintings really are. These paintings are dark and lonely, like the blue screen of an old tv with no signal. 

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Nothing Good Happens at 2:37AM is about sleepless nights plagued by anxiety. It felt like time had stopped and I was trapped in this cycle of pure hatred towards myself. I could only think about all of the things I was doing wrong, all of the things I could work harder towards, and all of the things I could be doing better. 

There came a point back then where I genuinely couldn’t think of a single kind thing to say about myself. I thought that I wasn’t working hard enough to feel so burnt out all the time, that I wasn’t doing enough about my health to feel badly about my body. All these terrible thoughts just kept on eating away at me until I stopped feeling like a person entirely